Saturday, 27 September 2008

The Cranium Crush

Lightning strikes twice! Contrary to popular belief lightning does strike twice. Furthermore, the forecast predicts that it will strike for a third time on Sunday the 5th October, only this time the Gods may not be so kind, it is expected that up to 100 people will be struck simultaneously on the head by one mega-bolt.

Friday, 26 September 2008

It was late last night

"I saw the same light"             Robbie Williams, Stoke-on-Trent

The Conversation

An old friend spoke to me today. I believe he spoke the truth. 
He spoke of a feeling so buried that I believe I am the only living person he has shared it with; for this I am grateful. He explained that his life was haunted, his daily thought was dominated by an overwhelming longing. His only desire was to be diagnosed with a terminal illness. 
I wasn't expected to respond, this was clearly a confession. I understood.
I understood the sentiment. This was, in a confused weekday mind; an easy escape, a quick release, an ejector seat. To me, this seemed logical, the unnamed itch we all long to scratch. I reassured my old friend, cheering him in the knowledge that everyone in fact, thought thus; we all wanted to die.  

Wednesday, 17 September 2008


To his girlfriend: "Chimichanga, I love you."
To his bestfriends: "Chimichanga you guys. You guys are the best."
To his burger: "Chimichanga! Chimichanga! Chimichanga! THE-BEST-BURGER-EVER!"

Months later, to me: "Chimichanga. That girl is rocking the chimichangas out of those tortillas." 
I had to say something, this was getting beyond a joke, i routinely encourage my friends to coin catch phrases, but this one was knackered, never had legs, broken spokes on a wheel that never existed. 
"Mate, that's knackered, that phrase, it's shit!"
"Do you even know?'d think i was being a knowcoach!"
"Go on. Say it."
"OK.....Do you even know where that word comes from? It comes from the founder of Tuscon, Arizona's own restaurant El Charro. She accidentally dropped a pastry into the deep fat fryer in 1922. She immediately began to utter a spanish curse-word beginning 'chi....', but quickly stopped herself and instead exclaimed chimichanga, the spanish equivalent of thingamajig. Fortuitously, the euphemism was a well understood Indianism for the standard Spanish 'chango quemado', meaning 'broiled monkey', which the chimichanga resembles. So, so mate, that's a shit turn of phrase to use, it just doesn't fit! Learn a lesson! Give it a rest." 

Monday, 15 September 2008

Chilliam Wallace

He's got IT!
He's got what? 
He's got the chill factor!
That's what people must say about him, it's so obvious, it pours out of his every pore. His weekends were spent perfecting the art, a school of art at which he sometimes felt he was the only student. 
He was a natural. 
His days at work were spent dreaming of duvet days promised, but never delivered; missed opportunities for much needed rest. He could disengage at the drop of a hat, lost in remission for what seemed like decades, he was the Thor of thaw, unbending and unending. 

Monday, 8 September 2008

Sunday, 7 September 2008

I went to the supermarket and i bought....

....some snacks. I hadn't been out of the house for a few days and had lost track of the calender; turns out it was a Saturday. Whilst I had been inside, it seemed i had missed a lot more than Thursday and Friday. Society was falling to the ground, people were living out their wildest fantasies without asking anyone if it was okay to do so. This is what i had been waiting for, this is where i belonged.

The spirit road won't let up

It's like you always said, 'the spirit road won't let up, the childish will inherit the earth." Saturday strikes me as a creative day, a day that defines the winners and losers of this world. Well this Saturday i decided i'd be a winner.